Saturday, March 7, 2009

It is finished! Now it starts!

As of yesterday March 6, 2009, my divorce is final! I have had many people ask me how I am doing and how it feels. Divorce is a many splendored thing, you know. I feel absolutely ecstatic not to be where I was. I am also ambivalent about it all. I know the future is mine to create and do with it what I will and that is exciting, but I also know that there are 3 other lives that are also affected and the effects of them being affected are...(sorry my weird lady personality wanted a turn). I am the mom and supposedly moms have the greatest influence on a young child's life-until that influential job is taken over by their friends and others that they like better. I just have to believe that they are going to be okay. They are smart and they see more than I realize. They get it and if they don't, they will.

As far as I'm concerned though, I have to get used to letting other people be there for me. I have to change my mindset about being the receiver. I have gone over 2 months with a broken kitchen faucet because I didn't want to bother anyone. Today, my friend's husband came over and fixed it after I went and got the parts. It took about an hour or less. What took me so long? I guess I could go into the analyzation of why but I don't feel like it. It's just a shift. A paradigm shift. I didn't even tell them about my broken toilet. Am I waiting for the plumbing fairy to get here? No. Am I hoping for a miracle? Maybe. Was my friend and her husband the miracle I was hoping for? Probably.

There are going to be lots of broken faucets and toilets and there will surely be a shortage of funds on many occasions. I am not alone. Not to sound completely cliché or trite but, I will survive! I am doing better than I thought. If I would have had more courage to face the unknown adventures of single motherhood, I probably would have left him long ago. Maybe not. I knew I should have left him before we ever had kids. I am rambling.

Getting back to where I started; I have a new anniversary to celebrate. March 6th. 3/6/09. It's a good number. Easy to remember. I know that I am a better person alone than I was with...not-so-good company. I am strong and the voices in my head tell me that I am a bit of a big deal. I believe them.

Life is good. 40 is still young (to anyone 41 or older) and I feel great! Happy Freedom Day to me!

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