The Object of the Game is to LEARN

Today has been a day for self analyzation. I had some extra time. Sometimes reaching way down deep can bring some old emotions to the surface. Sometimes, a person can say something (or write something) and it begins a process of unbridled thought. Now, that I think about it, this entry may be of a more esoteric nature. Perhaps I will save it for my journal. I will atleast put the lyrics to a song that I was introduced to today: And if you want to listen along, the song is track #13

The open wound she hides
She just keeps it bundled up
And never lets it show
She can't take much more of this
But she can't let it go
And that's ok, she don't want the world
All the things she says
While he's just lying there
Without someone to hear her cry
She slips off into a dream
About a place to hide
And that's ok, she don't want the world
This love she feels
Everything she's ever known
Or ever thought was real
Seems like it's been thrown away
Now how's she gonna live
It's ok, she don't want the world
Those words he never spoke
Haunt her life, the memories
Of all the times before
She tried to show him love
While he would only ask for more
But it's ok, she don't want the world
Softly in her sleep
Pictures of the life she's longingFor slowly appear
She's seen them all before
But somehow never quite this clear
She just smiles, she don't want the world
This love she feels Everything she's ever known
Or ever thought was real
Seems like it's been thrown away
Now how's she gonna live
It's ok, she don't want the world
A brand new morning shines
As she wakes up alone again
This time to face the day
She swears there's time to make it
As she simply walks away
And it's ok, she don't want the world

3 Doors Down

I don't want the world....but I was so sick of begging for somebody.....the person with whom I should have felt the safest....to toss me some scraps whenever he wanted. I know that I have issues that I need to deal with. I know things don't happen on accident. I needed to learn things from that experience, that marriage, that I hope I've learned well enough to not repeat them. Right now, unfortunately, I am capable of be satisfied with scraps. This is why I need to take time to figure myself out and get myself ready for greater things, greater people. I'm so scared that I will never trust a man to care for me. Most of the men in my life have ended up turning their backs on me. I got to the point that I would actually be drawn to these types and of course ended up marrying one. I would give everything and anything to have love. And that is a dangerous place to be. I am wise enough to know that I have to be careful for me in order to be careful for my boys. They are my work and my glory right now. I wouldn't want them to be hurt worse than they already are.

Another person quoted the title of a song that also gives me hope: Its track #108

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
[Chorus:]Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
[Chorus]Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

Bless the Broken Road- Rascal Flatts

And one more reference that helps me:
D&C 122:7 ...know thou, my [daughter], that all these things shall give thee experience , and shall be for thy good.

I've traveled that broken road, but it's okay, because it will lead me to somebody wonderful, and because of the things I've experienced and how I've grown from them, I will be a grand prize for that person.

thanks for stopping by. Not exactly light reading I know.