Caged Butterfly

To you, I am a butterfly, with not a care in the world. I flutter about letting you believe that I'm happy and that all is well... But the truth you don't see, is me down on my knees, praying and begging for it just to be done. Inside my mind are scary thoughts, closing in on me like predators, growling at their prey, and no matter what I do, I can't make them go away. No matter what the outside voices tell me, "You've got it pretty good" and "It'll be okay", it's the ones in my head that are shouting that I'm a failure, unworthy of love, and that I've let people down! I try to ignore them, but they've got my attention. Don't tell me to 'get over it', or to 'let it go'. I just want to be invisible and stop pretending to be ok. I try to live up to expectations, and play the role that I'm intended to play... I'll be the funny one. The one that everyone loves to be around. But what happens when little Ms. Sunshine gets mad? What happens when Pollyanna has a meltdown? Who's there to lift her? "She'll bounce back. She'll be okay!" The future is blocked by a dark cloud of hopelessness that rains down daggers of fear and insecurity. Somebody help me!! No! Just leave me alone!! I don't know how to tell you what it is that I need! I don't even know how to cope with the small things, and my inner hurts are bleeding to death, while I watch the world keep spinning around me. I'm right here, but I feel like I'm watching from another place; a spectator of myself. I'm on the outside looking in and nobody sees me. The me that you see is the me I wish I was, but I'm not, so I'll go on wearing that smiling mask, unwilling to interrupt the status quo. I'll continue being that butterfly, stuck in my own invisible cage. ~Marissa Chapman Dedicated to all of those butterflies that understand.

Love Unexpectedly

Our Love Story Back in 2009, I posted a Blog entitled "Compromise Schmompromise". If you read it, you'll see that I wrote about what I hoped and dreamed was possible to find in love. I didn't fully expect that putting it out there to the universe would be somewhat of a clarion call. Here's how it came to pass.... In 2011, I moved to Utah wanting a different environment for my boys and to be closer to family. I dated and had friends, but not what I really wanted. I didn't want to settle for crumbs when I hoped for a banquet. I was social, attending single adult activities, dances, and conferences, and met great people who became wonderful friends... but as far as potential relationships go, like the adage says, "Don't make somebody a priority that only sees you as an option". In addition to that, I have 3 children, so whomever I became serious with, wouldn't see them as "baggage", but as an eternal part of me. In January 2012, a man requested my friendship on Facebook, after having seen my picture on an LDS singles group page. The page was not a dating site meant for finding somebody, but he took his chances and sent out a message asking me if I wanted an Ozzy pen pal. Normally I would ignore requests from men from around the world without having had some sort of interaction beforehand. For some reason, I didn't delete his request. I checked out his profile and photos and just let it simmer for a few months. I thought he was very cute with a friendly face and he lived on the other side of the world! What could possibly happen? In March, I accepted his friendship request and answered his message. We sent short, general messages back and forth to each other for a few days, until one Saturday evening on March 17, 2012. We had a long conversation via Facebook chat. It was honest and fun. He was kind and interesting and real about things. He didn't attempt to sell himself to me. He was friendly and funny. Before we knew it, we realized we had been chatting for 11 hours!! I knew I liked this guy. He told me that he liked me too and wanted to chat more. We did, and within a few days he asked if he could call me. I said yes! Clint and I spoke on the phone for a month until he introduced me to Skype, which is awesome! We began skyping in April 2012 and our friendship developed into a deeper, more meaningful relationship. By summer 2012 we knew that we had to meet if this was going to ever go any further. We talked about it and he applied for a visa to come over. Along the way, doubts crept in as we wondered whether this could really even work. Should we walk away? How could we? We would never know unless we followed through. We would die wondering! His visa came through and a wonderful friend provided a miracle and offered us a stand-by ticket so he could come sooner. He would come for General Conference and we would meet!! I was so excited and nervous, but mostly excited and happy!! When he arrived on 4/3/2013, I felt like I had known him forever. We had already developed a deep foundation of friendship and even more than that - a meaningful relationship. The only difference was now it was tangible. It wasn't any more real to me. It had been real. My feelings were real. But now he could be real to others too. From the moment he got off the plane, we felt so comfortable around each other. I loved him. He was beautiful...even more beautiful and perfect in person. We spent the next week building on the great foundation and confirming the obvious chemistry that must be present in any good relationship. There was no question in my mind. He was the one I described in my blog just 4 years earlier. We had so much in common and we thought so alike. I felt like God had hand picked him for me and put him in my path just like I knew was possible. He was my perfect match. He surprised me at around midnight on the night of April 9th and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes!! Never had anyone been so gentle and kind and good and attentive to me. Never had anyone been such an example of honesty and integrity. He was spiritual, compassionate, patient, understanding, generous. He made me a priority in his daily life. We were both willing to do whatever it would take to be together forever. We knew that in the beginning we would have to be apart alot. We would have to miss being with our spouse on a daily basis. We knew it. We understood it. We saw past the here and now, into a future that would allow us, if we both made the effort it would take, to be with each other forever. We laughed. We cried. We knew it was right. If God had blessed us so richly to be able to meet, get to know eachother, make the path open for us to come together...how could we allow any possible challenge keep us from being married? Why would we? Sure, we could have focused on all of the possible obstacles that we would face being a long distance couple, but we chose instead to have faith and confidence that God would continue to bless us, just as he had all along our journey thus far. The next morning, Wed., April 10th, I made some phone calls to find out if was even possible for us to be married, while Clint was here visiting. We didn't know what hurdles there would be. We were surprised to find out that it was possible. We also didn't expect what happened next. The lady at the courthouse told is that there was a judge that had an appt available that day...that morning!!! Wait. We wanted to get married, but I didn't have a dress or shoes with me. I wasn't expecting it to happen that day. We prayed and talked about it and decided, why not that day? Yes. We had been blessed in so many ways and this was another door opening for us. We knew what we wanted. We discussed the fact that this would be a marriage, but not a traditional wedding. It would be the two of us, in a private and intimate ceremony committing to each other our devotion and our loyalty and our love. This was Clint and I saying to each other, "I love you and am willing to commit to you and to do whatever it takes to come back to each other and to love each other and be there for each other, even with time and distance in between us. I am yours and you are mine." We were sad that there wasn't time to call everyone and invite everyone, but really it was okay. We knew there would be possible opposition or people questioning our decision. We knew it was right and that was good enough for us. We were happy and loved each other. The absolute truth is that both of us had been married before. We had dated. We knew that what we had together, we never had before with anyone else...ever. As soon as we made the decision, everything fell into place! Our angel friend, Janine, "just happened" to have a never-been-worn gorgeous dress in her closet that "just happened" to fit me like a glove. She called another angel, Jill, and they went and bought me some lovely shoes and a bouquet while Clint and I got ready, and they met us at the courthouse. Im telling you, it worked perfectly, like it was planned. Jill even knew the judge that performed the ceremony. It was so positive and joyous and sweet. I married my very best friend, and was walking on air! April 10 goes down in my life's story as one of the happiest, best days, because of you..Clint Chapman. Im so happy to be your wife, your partner, and the recipient of your wonderful love. I love you with my whole soul, now and forever... xxxxxx

Light - my talk.

Light - I want to talk to you about light. I've been pondering these messages for a few weeks. This is such an exciting time to take our mortal journey!! We were saved for this time...each one of us. I used to feel like the awkward, athletically challenged kid that the coach keeps on the bench until the 3rd or 4th quarter and only puts in the game because he has to, but waits until a time when we're ahead by a lot and I couldn't mess anything up. Now that Im older, I know better. Now I know that God put me and you here in the final part because of our strength. When I was 16, I received my patriarchal blessing that assured me that I actually was saved for these times because I was valiant in the pre mortal existence. We that are here were all valiant spirits. We fought against the opposition. We stood up and defended Father's plan. We were saved for the time when Satan would use his might and forces to try and wreak havoc on Gods plan. He will fail, but he will take as many casualties as he can with him. I think Heavenly Father is so perfectly wise, that even Satan's attempt to foil God's plan is actually part of the plan, for there must needs be opposition in all things. There is nothing that God doesn't know. If we stay close to God and follow the Savior and have the Holy Ghost as our constant guide..lighting our way, we will make it all the way. We have a living Prophet, the scriptures, leaders, and our own 6th sense, and I don't mean the ability to see dead people. Our 6th sense is the enlightenment or personal revelation. We as baptized and confirmed members have the gift of the Holy Ghost, but every man and woman born into this world was born with the Light of Christ or the Spirit of Christ. D&C 84:46 the spirit giveth light to every man that cometh into the world and the spirit enlighteneth every man through the world that hearkeneth to the voice of the spirit. There's a story, and I don't know if it's true or not, but it tells of a woman that lived on the coast of Ireland. She was quite wealthy and when electricity was made available to private residences, she was one of the first in area to have it installed in her home. After it was all connected, some time passed, someone from the power company came to see her at her home. There was very little usage and so they came to make sure she knew how to use it and if she was happy with it, and mostly to know why she wasn't using it. When they asked her if she was using it, she answered happily, "oh yes, I use it every day at sundown. I turn on the light long enough to light all of my candles, and then I turn it off." - are we like that in the sense that we choose to live on lesser light when we have so much greater light and power available to us? God is light. The beginning of the Creation began with "god said let there be light and there was light and god saw the light that it was good and god divided the light from the darkness." The opening of this last dispensation when truth was again restored to the earth began with this event.."I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head above the brightness of the sun..." In today's world the only way to survive not being consumed by the influences and constant infiltration of the things that pull us away from Zion or that dim the light is to make sure we are charging our spiritual batteries, nourishing ourselves spiritually everyday... Everyday...everyday. Feast upon the word! Fill our lamps! 10 virgins had oil in their lamps..Was it the oil that was the most important or was the oil of conversion necessary so that they could have light of testimony to shine during the darkness while awaiting the Bridegroom? So, how do we keep the light bright? We must Pray..and not just say our prayers. Study the scriptures. Get to know the prophets and their experiences and how God helped them and what he said to them. We can Apply them to our lives and find answers to our prayers in them. If we study them and learn them, on those occasions when we need answers or want to share a scripture with somebody, they will be brought to our minds. Clint and I have been invited to attend a bible study group in our neighborhood. It's hosted by people that are of another faith. We go so we can share what we believe and plant seeds and because we love discussing the things of God. Some people there don't believe that there is just one true church and have a hard time with people that claim to belong to the only true church, so we look for ways to share what it is that this church has that makes it so true. Don't just know the church is true..know WHY and HOW you know the church is true. Dont just simply know that the Book of Mormon is true, but know what's in that wonderful book which testifies of Jesus Christ and confirms and clarifies everything in the Bible. Know the bible too. Read about Gods dealings with men throughout the ages. Make the light of your testimony be as a neverending fire kept bright by the light of the Son...S-O-N- and not just a candle. In my life, when young I lived on borrowed light from my family until I had my own candlelight of a testimony and as I got older, I wanted more and more and before I went on my mission, I fed that fire until it was strong and during that time, I felt so happy. That's what the gospel does, it brings joy and fulfillment and peace and perspective. There were other times later that I didn't nourish my testimony and again I was walking around with just a flicker at times. Trying to move through mists of darkness with just a flicker is not recommended. The first or second time Clint and I went to Bali, we stayed in an area near a surf beach that was not very developed. To get to our room we had to go down about 100 or more steps that were uneven, rocky, and they wound around this very dense tropical vegetation. One late afternoon we went for a walk up the steps to look for a place to eat. I was worried about not getting back down those steps before sundown. I knew that a small light from a phone wasn't going to cut it and that's all we had. Well, I had a prayer in my heart and we may have even said a vocal prayer together because when we got to the top of those steps, guess what. It. Was. Dark.! Now what? Clint is way more adventurous and brave than me and he was sure that we could do make it but me...well, I absolutely hate pain and try to avoid breaking my ankle or neck and falling down steps as much as possible, so I was worried. I think I must have been sending out major help messages to heaven, because within a few minutes somebody more prepared than we came along with their hands full but with a beautiful bright headlamp on. They went ahead and must have felt sorry for us poor foreigners because every few steps, they would turn around and light our way to come down the steps. What a miracle! I was so grateful. How in the world are we supposed to be in this world and not of this world unless we have a bright consistently well lit light. We are living in dark times as far as how much negative influences are surrounding us. God wants a powerful people. As we learned in our lessons last week, He wants us to be lighthouses built on solid rock shining through the dark to guide others to safety. He doesn't want us to be half-hearted and mediocre in our gospel living. He wants us to be anxiously engaged in the building of his kingdom. We want to be ready when he comes again. How do we do it? How do we keep from being overly distracted by the unimportant things and neglecting our lights? Elder Richard G. Scott taught us: “Satan has a powerful tool to use against good people. It is distraction. He would have good people fill life with ‘good things’ so there is no room for the essential ones. Have you unconsciously been caught in that trap?” Elder Neal A. Maxwell said: “Many individuals preoccupied by the cares of the world are not necessarily in transgression. But they certainly are in diversion and thus waste ‘the days of [their] probation’ (2 Ne. 9:27). . . . Some proudly live ‘without God in the world’ (Alma 41:11).” Do we try to live without God too much of the time? Satan is so astute and cunning that among the elect, he doesn't focus on getting us to kill or steal or lie or cheat or commit sins that we have to go to the bishop about, but he is also using not so bad and harmless things to take the place of better things with the justification that We're not doing anything wrong. The Lord said, “My kingdom is not of this world” (John 18:36), and, “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever” (1 John 2:15–17). God has to be first in our lives. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me. Are our eyes single to His glory, or do we put him in the "when I have time" category? If we want to be worthy to live in the Celestial kingdom, we should be trying to prepare to be celestial residents now while on this earth. We won't just wake up on the other side deserving of exaltation if we aren't really striving to be fit for the kingdom. We can't just be less wicked than everyone else. We can't have virtue garnish our thoughts a lot of the time. Christ never said, "if ye love me keep most of the commandments or As I have loved you, love those that are loveable. Pay your tithing if you think you'll have enough money and remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy until you get home from church. We have been told to put off the natural man. Don't be distracted by materialism. You won't be judged by how much money or what kind of car or how popular or if you were the best at some sport. You'll be judged by how you took care of those around you. The greatest of all is charity. If we gain the whole world and have not charity, we missed the point of this life. Since the heavens have reopened and the gospel has been restored, more advances have been made in discovery of science, technology, inventions. The knowledge is expanding..our knowledge of God and of things of this world that he would have us know to progress. We live in an age of technology. Theres no denying it. Our children are bilingual in this second language, a cyber language... youth, am I right? idk rofl btw omg jk brb BFF ASAP FYI tmi ttyl. They can't text at the speed of sound. Everything is at the swipe of the finger. It's all on google YouTube spotify Facebook Instagram twitter and Pinterest. So Now, we not only have to be vigilant and careful to not be of this world, but we have to not get lost in cyberspace!! To the youth, you are under siege everyday by people from the great and spacious building. You would be mocked for keeping the commandments, doing what right, and standing up for truth and righteousness. Don't be ashamed. Easier said than done, I know. the world wants you to believe that you are defined by your appearance and your accomplishments and your status and coolness. just remember as I said in the beginning of my talk...you have been saved for this time. If the veil were to disappear for a moment and you could see yourselves and who you were and how strong you were in the pre-existence and how determined you were to fight for righteousness, you would be in awe at yourselves. Don't let anyone or anything convince you otherwise!! Fill yourselves with light everyday to give yourselves strength to resist and stand tall. Jesus Christ is the light of this world. His word is a lamp to our feet. He is the antidote to the distractions of this world and the lies of the adversary. He makes clear our vision of who we are and our purpose of our mortal journey here on earth. Satan tries to blur this vision by making us feel scared and insecure and overwhelmed and worthless and like we just can't do it...so we might as well quit. We have to trust in The Lord and he will bless us...if we have faith in Him, we can overcome. 2 Tim 1:7-8. He wants to bless us too, but we have to give him our hearts, we have to love him and trust him and do as he asks. We have to be as good as we can be and repent and keep going. The atonement, the perfect atonement of the Savior helps us get through, with it's healing power. It heals our sufferings and sorrows and keeps us from spiritual death. Prophets throughout history have looked to our day with rejoicing because the last days signify the long foretold coming of the Son of God in power and great glory and the commencement of the thousand years of peace upon the earth. They saw our day. They saw us and what we would have to go through. And aren't we fortunate to have all the scriptures and words of the prophets to help us see and recognize the signs and give us faith and courage to thrive during this time of chaos and turmoil in the world? When we do things that make our lights brighter, we have more hope, more happiness, an increased desire to be good.... more charity...less fear, less despair.. Some of my top 1000 scriptures are -Ephesians 4:27 Neither give place to the devil. -Jacob 6:12 Oh be wise! what can I say more? Both of those are only 8 syllables long but say so much. I also love sections 76, 88, and 93 read them today while you're keeping the Sabbath day holy :) but my favorite scripture is in D&C 50:24-25 the perfect day is when the Savior comes and I can kneel at his feet and he will know me because I have tried to be like him. I know Jesus Is the Christ. He is the son of God and he lives. He is the Savior. I know Heavenly Father loves us and has provided this gospel as a perfect plan for our progression and growth. I know the scriptures are true, the bible and the Book of Mormon together testify of Jesus Christ. I know the truth in its pure form has been restored and that Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ and was the prophet of the restoration. I know we are lead by a living Prophet and 12 apostles. I know the Savior is going to return and we must have enough light in our lamps to make it through the dark night until he comes. I testify that by study and prayer and by the Holy Ghost I have come to know that this gospel is complete and it is true and has everything we need to return to live with Heavenly Father. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

The wonderful Land of Oz

There's a place that I love... The people are Ozzies The mosquitos are mozzies. The forest is called "bush" and the outback don't serve steak, but there's a really great chance you'll see a striped snake. You'll hear "how ya goin" "cheers" "g'day" and "no worries". They play footy and rugby and netball and cricket. The sidewalk is a footpath, the driveway a carpark and stores are called shops...but get there by 5 because everything shuts. You don't rent movies or cars, you hire them, and I reckon you could hire a car and go to the cinema. I recommend you get a chocbomb when you go! They're yum, hey? A chicken is a chook and if you're sick you're crook. When you go running, you put on your runners and when you head to the beach, you wear your bathers and sunnies, but you may want to bring a jumper in case it gets cold. So, chuck it all in the boot and head to the beach! Don't forget to stop at the petrol station and fill your tank for about $1.60 per litre. A barbecue is always great at the beach! But you won't hear anyone tell you to throw a shrimp on the barbie... In Oz they're called prawns, but more likely you'll have a nice sausage sizzle. They eat sausage dogs not hot dogs, meat pies not pot pies, biscuits not cookies, lollies not candy, the French fries are chips and they're great with some fish. They also eat rock melon, coriander and capiscum, which you'll recognize when you see them and they're all delicious. So head to this wonderland down under! You'll want to stay there for ages and you'll have heaps of fun!! I <3 Australia!!! Cheers!

Love and be Lovable

Life is unpredictable with Neverending variables that seem sometimes too scariable. There are moments so incredible, you know, the ones indelible with friends that are delectable, collectible, respectable. We know that we are fallible, but perfectable, with challenges detectable. We strive to be teachable, reachable, and must be bendable and flexible on those days so quite perplexible. We search for those that are trustable, as this is just a mustable, while we sift through the pretendables, the endables, and "on their way" so sendables that treat us as expendables, in hopes of finding that one so loveable, huggable, kissable, keepable...that gives us joy so heapable. If we find one that is takeable, we give our heart so breakable. A risk? It's unmistakeable!! But With hopes of love unshakeable, and makeable, and not so very acheable. When you know for sure they're cleavable and never want to leavable, your lives become, well, weavable and if this sounds perceivable, then make it your achievable, because eternity is long, so make it great......no, make it UNBELIEVABLE!!!! :)

My Version of the Restoration

The Saviors elevation after his Church organization was not the termination of His gospel foundation. He left his apostolic administration, but eventual segregation lead to de-unification, doctrinal fragmentation, and truth disfiguration. The result - religious degeneration, and his apostles' assassinations brought apostasy causation and revelation cessation. Eventually came spiritual darkness for many generations. Later, a religious reformation and good men inspired to give us a bible translation. Colombus' inspiration began a maritime exploration... and in 1492 -The Discovery of a Nation! This was followed by a mass migration of those seeking religious liberation and Battles were fought for an Independence Declaration. In 1820, a young boy's spiritual contemplation and a James 1 quotation prompts a prayerful supplication. A Godly visitation! A miraculous conversation! What wondrous elation! Righteous determination, was Joseph's devotion and dedication, but some disbeliever hesitation brings adverse tribulations. A messenger tells of promised salvation and truth clarification in a record from an ancient nation, which lead to the excavation, translation, and publication. Spiritual renovation and rejuvenation! How firm a foundation! A gospel restoration in this last dispensation! Marissa Chapman Sept 2015

The Perfect Doll

Today was the day! The excitement she felt inside was so close to the surface that she thought she would burst. She could barely sleep the night before in anticipation for this day. She had awaited it for such a long time. It had been highlighted on her small calender that she had on a little white table next to her bed. Everynight before she went to sleep, she would cross off the day and count the remaining until this day. And now it was here. It was October 17th. The day her dad was taking her to the toystore to buy a new doll.

She didn't have a specific doll in mind. She had seen all of the commercials on TV with all of the different ones she could choose from. There were the ones that talk, drink, give a bath to, and even change the diaper. She didn't necessarily care so much about the features of the doll as much as she did about how she would feel when she would hold that doll in her arms. You see, she wanted to take care of her doll and love it. She wanted to protect it and make it happy. She would show her doll just how lucky it was to have her. She had so much to give and wanted to give it all to this new doll that she would treasure.

Up until now, it had been just her and her dad, and he was the most important person in her life. She adored him and he would do anything for her. She was such a lovable little girl. She had a personality that made everyone love her. She had charisma, sweetness, and an ability to laugh and see the goodness in everything around her. She would do anything for anybody, even if they didn't quite deserve it. She loved to give, even if the only thing she had to give was a kind word or a smile. But, the best thing about her was her natural ability to love. Since she was very young, she loved to be affectionate and hug and cuddle. She loved to touch and feel. Maybe this was due to the fact that as a baby, she couldn't be touched very much. She was born with so many problems that the first few years of her life were spent in and out of doctors offices and operating rooms. All of these wonderful qualities made up for any small problems that she might have had in other areas. Those didn't so matter so much. Her dad made her feel like a princess and she thought him a king.

The day began early as she ran into her father's room and climbed up onto his bed. She awoke him, not with demanding shouts to wake up, but with a great big hug and gentle whispers in his ear.
"Do you remember what today is?"
He pretended not to remember and asked, "Is it first day of school?"
"No, that was last month! Today is the day we go to the Toy Store." She responded.
"Oh yes, that's right? Well then, we better get ready!"
He was just as anxious to see her happy as she was to find her new treasured friend. He knew she never asked for very much. But this is something she wanted so very badly and he knew it.

They drove to the store and parked the car. She grabbed her dad's hand and practically pulled him across the parking lot. They entered the store and she knew exactly where they were headed. She could not be distracted by all of the other featured toys that were displayed all over the store. She wasn't moved by the lights and sounds of the electronics, neither was she tempted by the flashy handheld games with all of their promises of audiovisual stimulation. She was focused and she had a feeling that her new doll was as anxious for her arrival as she was to find her.

As they neared the area of the store with all of the dolls, she let go of her father's hand and skipped ahead of him a few yards. "Come on, dad!" she urged anxiously.
Her dad knew how excited she was for this day and how much she had thought and dreamed about this moment. He wanted to let her soak it all in and explore all of her possibilities. They had talked about the price range she would have to stay within and the rest was up to her.

She walked right past the Barbie Dolls. Not only were they too small and skinny, but they were kind of cold due to the fact that they had every material thing that a human had. She looked for a doll that would appreciate her and be a little less focused on all of the material things.

She took a few minutes with each doll, picking it up, holding it, rocking it, and examining all of it's hands and feet and hair. She was interrupted by another girl who was with her mom. This other girl was crying about something that she wanted. But she wasn't just crying. She was really mad and was yelling at her mom so loud that other people in the store looked over to see what was going on. The girl didn't seem to mind that she was drawing so much attention to herself, and continued to cry and scream and after another minute or two, started to jump up and down and get all red in the face. She told her mom that she was a bad mom for not getting her the toy she wanted. Was that true? Was her mom bad for not getting her what she wanted? She must really want something bad to be so hurtful to her mom. Why didn't her mom just give it to her? Did she believe that tantruming and screaming would get her what she wanted? Her mom soon took her and guided her out of the department and probably out of the store. She wondered why the girl didn't just ask her mom more nicely about the toy. She looked over at her dad to see him just shaking his head a little but when he caught his daughter's glance, he gave her a wink and a big smile.

She went back to her task at hand. She really like the dolls that had arms and legs that could move because she really wanted to be able to teach her how to dance and walk and do all of the fun things that required agility and mobility. She didn't mind if they didn't have hair or not. Hair could be fun, but could also be a problem if she got candy or gum stuck in it. One thing that she did want was a doll that was happy. She wanted her doll to have a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eye. That way she would know that she was happy all the time. She didn't want her new best friend to ever be mad at her and tell her she was a bad friend or to be crying loud just to get what she wanted.

She walked over to her dad and asked, "Do you think I'll ever find the right one, Dad?" Her dad answered her with the wisdom that only a father can have. "You don't need to be in a hurry, darling. Take your time and find just the right one. After all, you are going to be together for a long time, so you need to make sure you pick the best one for you."

With that encouragement, she walked back to where she left off. There was another older girl close by, but she was focused on one specific doll. It was a smaller doll. A doll that looked like a teenager with makeup on. It was okay, but it had it didn't have a very friendly face. The girl looked around, as if to check if her mom was around. Maybe she was lost. She walked around the corner for a minute and then came back, only she wasn't carrying the doll anymore. Where did she put it. Did she change her mind about the doll and leave it somewhere? How could she be so focused on the doll one moment and then just let it go? The girl suddenly didn't seem to care at all about the dolls. She seemed in a hurry to get out of that section. She even bumped into the little girl as if she didn't even notice she was there. What happened? Maybe she was sick. Suddenly, two men in uniforms walked up to her as she was hurrying off and asked her to open the bag she was carrying. Just then, a man came walking up looking for her. The man asked these two men what problem they had with his daughter. He stopped mid sentence when he saw her take the teenage looking doll out of her bag. He just looked at her for a minute and asked her, "You were stealing that doll? Why would you steal? You know better than that!" She answered him softly, "You said I couldn't have it and I really wanted it, so I decided to take it anyway."

The two men in uniform asked them to follow them to a different place. They started to follow them. The girl looked scared and started crying as they walked away. The little girl wondered what they would do to her. Would she go to jail? Why didn't her dad buy the doll? He must have told her the reason. Why would she steal it and risk getting into so much trouble? Once again, she caught her dad's glance and this time they just looked at eachother, and without words, she told him that she never wanted to do that and it was a bit scary.

As she approached the end of the doll aisle, she noticed something. Inside a plastic display case, was the most beautiful doll she had ever seen. It's long flowing curly hair was the exact same color blonde as hers and she even had green eyes, just like her! She wanted to hold it and examine it as she did the others, but she couldn't. The only thing she could do was push a red button that said 'Demo' next to it. She pushed the big, red button and couldn't believe what happened next. This most beautiful doll she had ever seen came alive! She began to move and talk. She looked so real and so life-like. After a moment of talking, she began to sing a song. Not just any song either. It was the song that her dad sang to her everynight. She instantly knew that this was the doll she wanted. She called her dad over and announced that she had made her choice and this was the one she wanted. She showed the demo to her dad, explaining that the eyes blinked and she could talk and sing and move and read books that were sold separately at $12.95 a piece. This was the doll she wanted. She asked her dad to reach one of the large boxes that were up on one of the higher shelves.

She was so happy! She was beginning to wonder if she would ever find just the right doll and here it was right in front of her! She knew she had made the right choice and that she was going to love this doll with all of her heart forever and ever. Her father even agreed that it was a beautiful, fabulous doll. The only thing left to do was to bring it home and hook her up to her dad's computer and digitally program her with all of her personal information so they could interact. She was so excited. This was going to bring her so much joy. But her excitement quickly changed to sorrow when her dad told her that she would have to choose another doll. He told her that this one was way too expensive. It was more than double the price that they had discussed paying. It was an amazing doll, but the cost was too great! She felt her heart start to break inside of her chest. She could feel the tears welling up inside of her eyes. She could feel her mouth start to curl like it always did whenever she wanted to cry. A few quick breaths escaped her before her dad scooped her up into his arms, allowing her to bury her face into his neck. She just stayed there for awhile. What could she do? Her father held her as tight as he ever had and just kept telling her that he loved her and that together they would find a special doll that she could love and hold and take care of and that that doll would be perfect.

The little girl cried some but looked up in time to see the older girl walking out of some office followed by her dad and some police officers. She was also crying and her dad had his arm around her shoulder, but he didn't look too happy. The girl was glad she wasn't in trouble for stealing like that girl. Her dad asked her if she still felt like looking for a doll and she shook her head no. With her dad still holding on tight and carrying her toward the exit, the little girl noticed the other little girl that was still crying and tantruming about something that she wanted. The mom was telling her that not only was she not going to get what she wanted but she was going to go home and go spend some time alone in her room. She again was glad not to be that girl. She was sad that she couldn't have the beautiful blonde doll that seemed to be the perfect one, but she was glad to be in the loving arms of her father and she knew that what he said was true. They were going to find that perfect doll together and it would be the right one for her. She didn't know when it would be, but she trusted that her dad would keep his promise and help her. She squeezed her dad as tight as she could and told him that she loved him as they walked out of the store and back to the car. Her father thought to himself how very proud he was of his daughter for trusting in him. He loved her so much and knew that she deserved so much more and he vowed to himself, and silently to her, that he would make sure that before too long, she would get all that she deserved and even more.