Monday, April 25, 2016
1. Have I done any good in the world today? That depends upon who you ask? I think I've done quite alright, folded laundry all night, and I'm thinking of sleeping at last. Tis noble, I know, to have a clean house, just in case The Prophet stops by, but only she who has children will know what I mean when I tell you "I promise I try" ...So wake up and look at your list. You've got 2 ward sisters in need. And your husband is gone, visit teaching at 1, and a Presidency Meeting at 6! 2. Have I done any good in the world today? Well, I managed to feed the cat. I prayed for patience and pow'r, took a 2 minute shower and Sunday's lesson prep just began. I hope that I make it, I just want a break. One more meeting and I'm going to explode! If I miss self-reliance, will I be non-compliant? Dear Bishop, just please let me know. So wake-up and and look at your list, you've got 2 ward sisters in need, and your husband's neglected, it's not what's expected..and a presidency meeting at 6! 3. Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need? I'm sure doing my best, I know life is a test. I'm on a journey and hope to succeed. I'll look out for you. Please look out for me. We all need some help on our way. Only Jesus was perfect. The rest of us...not. And if you fall on your face, it's ok. But get up...and do all you can. There's still two more things on the list. Tell your loved ones you love them. Tell God that you trust Him. Oh...and a presidency meeting at 6.
The person you see when see your reflection is a beautiful being of potential perfection. You aren't here by chance..nope! That's a deception. You were born as a baby, but you might not remember. It could have been Summer or Spring or September. You were toothless and chubby, mostly sleepy...but oh so cuddly. You started out small, but that didn't last long, no not long at all, because something happened, and you started to grow, and you grew and you grew into the you we all know. You've got a brain in your head and fingers and toes. You see with your eyes and smell with your nose. Your hair may be brownish or reddish or pink and you may have a dimple on the side of your cheek. No matter your eye color, or where you might stay, you're just right, yes you are, and we love you that way. And the best thing of all is that you can be what you choose .. a teacher, a scientist, or invent flying shoes. So every time you see your reflection, smile and wave to the person you see, because you'll be together for awhile, maybe, yes, even possibly, a thousand one weeks! Just one more thing that I wanted to say, always be kind to others each day. They may not be exactly like you, and they may not want to invent flying shoes, but inside where it matters, yes, deep in our hearts, we all are the same and that's where love starts.
To you, I am a butterfly, with not a care in the world. I flutter about letting you believe that I'm happy and that all is well... But the truth you don't see, is me down on my knees, praying and begging for it just to be done. Inside my mind are scary thoughts, closing in on me like predators, growling at their prey, and no matter what I do, I can't make them go away. No matter what the outside voices tell me, "You've got it pretty good" and "It'll be okay", it's the ones in my head that are shouting that I'm a failure, unworthy of love, and that I've let people down! I try to ignore them, but they've got my attention. Don't tell me to 'get over it', or to 'let it go'. I just want to be invisible and stop pretending to be ok. I try to live up to expectations, and play the role that I'm intended to play... I'll be the funny one. The one that everyone loves to be around. But what happens when little Ms. Sunshine gets mad? What happens when Pollyanna has a meltdown? Who's there to lift her? "She'll bounce back. She'll be okay!" The future is blocked by a dark cloud of hopelessness that rains down daggers of fear and insecurity. Somebody help me!! No! Just leave me alone!! I don't know how to tell you what it is that I need! I don't even know how to cope with the small things, and my inner hurts are bleeding to death, while I watch the world keep spinning around me. I'm right here, but I feel like I'm watching from another place; a spectator of myself. I'm on the outside looking in and nobody sees me. The me that you see is the me I wish I was, but I'm not, so I'll go on wearing that smiling mask, unwilling to interrupt the status quo. I'll continue being that butterfly, stuck in my own invisible cage. ~Marissa Chapman Dedicated to all of those butterflies that understand.